February 2009
1 post
Book
I’ve stopped writing this blog and am writing a book instead.
August 2008
3 posts
Opening Night Shenanigans
Went to the opening night screening and post party of The House Bunny last night. Basically a lower rent version of the premiere, which took place earlier in the week.
The theory being, friends of the cast and crew go to the cinema to watch the movie with Jo Bloggs public… thus giving them the chance to gauge reaction from the hoi polloi. The reality is a theatre full of raging sycophants...
Dr. Heimlich
I saved a woman’s life today. Sort of.
The drama took place at 21 Choices, a frozen ‘yo’gurt establishment I frequent. It’s a confusing place. The name’s totally misleading. I know Americans love variety (who doesn’t) but there are 100s of different options. I never know what to pick. 21 my arse.
So there I was mulling my options when the woman in front...
Did The Earth Move For You?
Did you hear about the Earthquake in LA on Tuesday morning? I was at the gym at the time (finely honing the body of an adonis). There I was, hard at it, when the ground beneath my (hands and) feet started shaking. Subtly at first. Then nothing. It was easy to dismiss. But suddenly its full force erupted, in all its 5.4 on the richter scale glory. The building shook, gym equipment rattled violently...
July 2008
4 posts
Adios Anger
After an absence of 126 days I’m back. And no I haven’t been in Mexico all this time. I’ve been suffering from good old fashioned writers block (shit ones suffer from it too you know).
It all started on my return from the Yucatan…
I don’t know if you noticed from previous entries that most of my motivation to write spawned from anger. In the immortal words of Johnny Rotten’s Rise, ‘Anger is an...
March 2008
7 posts
South of the Border
I’m taking the family to Mexico for a few weeks to enjoy some well earned r & r.
Adios you mugs!
Pass the Parcel?
T turned three a couple of weeks ago. To celebrate we threw a little party. But initially it wasn’t going to be a little party. It was going to be a big party. We toyed with the idea of inviting a bunch of kids from her preschool. If we’d gone ahead there would have been around 20 under fives running riot in our house. Pandemonium. But that wasn’t my reason for downsizing. What...
Kitchen. Window. Open.
On Tuesday morning at 3am I was woken up by a tinny, electronic voice saying: Kitchen. Window. Open. It was our security system. I sat bolt upright in bed and raced to the bedroom window (which is above our kitchen) and saw a man wearing a hoodie running off. I’d never felt such a rush of pure fear and adrenaline. The fucker had been trying to break into my house. The house where my...
Coffee & Unicorns
Clare and I are addicted to coffee. It’s not something that’s happened since moving to LA. We were both helpless caffeine junkies long before we ever met each other. My love for a quality cuppa developed while living in Sydney. Did you know Australians make the best coffee in the world? FACT. Baristas in Australia are considered craftsmen and artistes. If a cafe serves up a dodgy brew...
Apathy
This blog is a pain in the arse. Now I’ve started I constantly berate myself for not updating it with more regularity. I’m wracked with guilt for not writing limitless new entries each week. I’m sure every other ‘blogger’ out there has greater self-discipline than me. Churning out reams of stimulating musings on a daily basis. Not me. Take the past few weeks for...
February 2008
5 posts
Oscars v BAFTAs
Is it just me or was last night’s Oscars ceremony shite? Most of the exciting categories were carbon copies of last month’s BAFTA winners. At last, the British Academy comes of age, finally doing what it was supposed to do when the ceremony was moved to predate the Oscars… that is indicate who the Oscars winners will be. That said, how embarrassing were this years BAFTAs? The...
Anal For Indicating
I’m about to do what anyone who knows me well knows I rarely do. Eat humble pie. May I refer you back to a previous blog entry entitled I Am The Only Sane Driver In LA (Apart From Clare). The gist of its entire rant argued about my great driving skills compared to the rest of LA. What a knob. Alas, it set me up for a deserved fall. There I was all cocky, playing the arrogant Brit with...
Give Me The Book
One of my best friends Jim sent me an email the other day saying how he’d love to be a fly-on-the-wall at my acting class. Thank god he isn’t as I’d never live it down. Each week when I arrive I have to check my dignity at the door. It’s a liberating experience… as long as no-one I know EVER gets to see me. Jim also asked me to furnish him with details of the...
I Am The Only Sane Driver In LA (Apart From Clare)
Most drivers in LA are lunatics. FACT. Every time I get behind the wheel I’m aware of this. You see, you can’t really get around the city without a car so people spend hours everyday driving from a to b, to c to d… and so on. One consequence of spending so much time in a car is a lack of patience, compassion and consideration for humanity. When traveling by foot, bus or rail one...
Turning American
John Lennon once said: “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” Well, it’s also happens when I’m not writing this blog. That’s why I haven’t written anything for ages. I’ve been far too busy being a full-time Dad. It has absolutely nothing to do with the hard fact that I’m bone idle. There’s a nagging fear...
January 2008
10 posts
Awkward Around Actors
Last Friday Clare had a meeting with Katie Holmes in the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel. As far as meetings go, it doesn’t get more Hollywood (unless, of course, you’re meeting her hubby). Mere mortals would be on the verge of paralysis at the prospect of hanging out with Mrs. Tom Cruise but, ever the professional, Clare took it in her stride. Clare had no idea what to expect....
Shocking News
I’ve been debating with myself whether or not to write this entry. There’s a moral ambiguity about the subject matter. But a blog’s a blog and I say it how I see it. As well as developing a movie version of The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Clare’s also attached to direct an indy feature called Loving Iris. It’s a charming, emotionally packed and unique script....
Shmacting
Surprise, surprise my first acting class failed to live up to the humiliating nightmare I’d convinced myself it would be. Before leaving I expressed my biggest worry to Clare. “What if they ask me to BE a tree?” Her response lacked compassion. “Think of yourself as an empty vessel,” she advised. Yeah, thanks Clare. Big help. On arrival, I almost had a panic attack....
Ridiculous On Many Levels.
A jolly start to the day. I drove T to preschool and she sang all the way. It went something like this (I think), “Off to school we go, off to school we go. Hey ho. Hey Ho. Off to school we go.” Clare had a big conference call with some producers in London about a script she’d been sent to read. She was getting stuck in to her creative flow when I got back so I hung around...
“Don’t walk into doors, you’ll get a black eye and people will think...”
– Hollywood House Husband
Dude! Awesome!
I took T to our local playground over the weekend. We walked. It only takes about 10 minutes. I wouldn’t think twice about walking half a mile in England. Here, it took over 5 minutes of deliberation before finally deciding to venture out on foot. I didn’t see a single other pedestrian/human being on the way. Not one. Only weirdos walk in LA. Weirdos, Brits and the occasional New...
Bally-Hoo
Today I joined a gym. I didn’t intend to. The idea was to look around, get a feel for it and then check out a couple of other places next week. Now I know what you’re thinking… it’s a cliche to join up in this month of fresh hope and new beginnings. Did you know that 89% of people who join a gym in January work out just 3 times before caving in to apathy and self loathing?...
It's About Time I Kick This Thing Off
T and I went for a wander south and east to visit a Korean run toy shop called Kids Land. It’s a maze of wonder for T with hedges of toys drawing her in on every corner. She was soon lost and shouting for, “Daddy!” It took me a while to find her as I was off in a completely different direction looking for a Crayola Color Wonder pen needed to, hey presto, bring colour to a Dora...
“England and America are two countries separated by a common language.”
– George Bernard Shaw
December 2007
2 posts
“People think it’s easy, what with all the sunshine, living in a huge house...”
– Hollywood House Husband
